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lyrics
Well, I've been kicked to the curb
I've been shocked and disturbed
I stepped up to the plate and got struck out by fate
Just like I deserve
Can’t hit one single curve
I've lost every lover and lady who’s had me
My wife just ran off with my mistress today sadly
Neither one even said goodbye
It’s all bullshit
I may as well curl up and die
Last week I fell from a tree
My boss fired me
And while he got promoted, my car just exploded
Spontaneously
Yeah, and so did the key
My judgmental neighbor just got me evicted
Shot smack up by accident just after I’d kicked it
I can’t even say I try
It’s all horseshit
I might just curl up and die
But wait, there’s more! Last night I stepped on a rake
I got burned at the stake
I slept in again and I got to my friend’s
Birthday party late
And he’d run out of cake
And he peeled off my skin with a potato peeler
And doused me in blood salt from non-fair-trade salt dealers
Workin’ to death in the salty mines
It’s all hogwash
I just might curl up and…
Dine on a dinner of broken glass
And an old rotten shoe that smells just like ass
Top it off with a bottle of Titanic tears
Vintage 1912, oh my God what a year
A soup made with poison and anti-freeze
For dessert, a pie made of locusts and bees
And the waiter’s not nice and the check’s overpriced
And it comes with a cyanide mint
I can take the hint
Yeah, it’s time to give in
Ain’t no way I can win
I got way too much pain spinnin’ 'round in my brain
And I’m stretched too thin
Play the damn violin
Got hit in the face with a big freakin’ shovel
Got bit in the ace by a dog with no muzzle
Got trampled by horses and coughed up a lung
And then torn up by tigers who swallowed my tongue
Last week while reciting some big science lectures
Got sucked through a wormhole and wound up in Texas
They strung me up, hung me and threw Bibles at me
Got shot in the head by six preachers exactly
Abducted by martians and forced into labor
Got cut clean in half by a rusted light saber
Been chewed up and spit out and chewed up some more
And then swallowed, digested, shit out on the floor
And then eaten again by a dog who then died
And was buried in dirt where the worms all reside
And they ate me a third time ‘cause why the hell not?
I been worm shit and germ shit and drowned in shit water
Been kidnapped and bitch-slapped and wiretapped on Monday
Got swindled by goblins for my first-born son
They power-sanded my nipples and chopped off my penis
Gone mad, I've been had, I’m a tad inconvenienced
Got spiny and whiny and finally I died
And when I arrived
At the Pearly Gates
The good lord said, "Sorry, boy, you’re too late
I just been disproven by atheists
Turns out I’m a fraud, I don’t even exist"
It’s all wormshit
I think I’m gonna…
I said I think I’m gonna…
I think I’m gonna lay in bed and listen to radio static for hidden conspiratorial messages all day
(Spoken:) Thank you, I love you all, goodnight.
credits
from Goldmark After Dark,
released April 15, 2014
Vocal: Tony Goldmark
Keyboard: Henry Salvia
Bass: Paul Olguin
Drums: Paul Revelli
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