Keep your mouth wide open
You keep talkin', we'll keep our hope in
The notion that your mouth will close in time
I hear your run-on sentence runnin' on
And on and on 'til dawn
Compensatin' for your devastatin' lack of lines
It's all a blur, that's how the guys concur
Then we look at her
As she regales us with her tales of artsy trash
Then she made another point so moot
Everybody thought it cute
But it made my train of thought derail and crash
You said, "I knew he was a Christian from his eyes of love"
Well, please would you give me a clue, what are my Jew eyes made of?

I see you on the screen
Kissing that weirdo
In the very final scene
Kissing the hero
And you're dressed up as your favorite plantation queen, but to me
It looks like Satan Kissing Jesus
In the Pope's darkest repressed wet dream

Now I know it may seem rude and a little crude
That I'd be such a prude
As to confuse someone like youse for Beelzebub
But consider your company
You never know where the devil may be
He's hiding behind every tree and shrub
In the father of your daughter
Inside every glass of water
Is the angel who fell down go boom
Any politician you don't like
If they try to pass an upper-class tax hike
Burn the witch on his broom!
So you're naggin' with teabaggin' brethren under the sun
In a voice that makes a noise that sounds like my tea is done!

You know I saw you on FOX News
And you've been well-taught
By the focks who share your views
They find you so hot
"This community means less than a festering bowl of dog snot!"
Must feel like Satan's Kissing Jesus
When the bad guy starts to walk in your shoes

I have to show you this
This piece of socialist propaganda
Just follow my hand on my white board
This TV entrepreneur is getting crushed by the poor
His biggest competitor used to mop up his floors
But they've got sympathy, they're gonna cease to be
Unless the community (Communists...) supports them communally (Communists...)
Wait, who's that actress in view? Blonde hair, eyes of blue
Holy Satan, it's you! Supporting U-62!
How could you do this? You socialist! Okay, now I'm pissed!
Better add your name to the list of secret anti-Chrissts!
("Satan won't be happy about this!")
Let's go rehearse that kiss!

(Ukulele solo interrupted by accordion solo)

You've got another thought comin' but before you proceed
You'd better make sure you left your previous thought incomplete
Repeat every single point until they're battered and stale
And make it sound like a question? Every time you inhale?
I heard your daughter's half-Satanic, better call up a priest
You weren't given many lines, I wonder why that could be
Stop and leer like a deer struck with fear in the headlights
And in the rear, there's a bearded man who's not quite right
Nobody knows him, he just sits there sighin'
And I'm wonderin' which direction would be more edifyin'

But you said you liked my hair
It's not as hating
As my cruel Hebraic stare
Must be frustrating
Is the Serpent bearing apples or are they pears? Do you care?
I guess I'm Satan Kissin' Jesus in an orgy of despair
Compensatin' for my sleaziness with extra flair
All these Mephistopheleseses are hoggin' the air
If you're smart, move to Alaska, they'll elect you mayor
And you can start your own society with polar bears!
I think that's more than fair

(Evil high-pitched background Satanic message)