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lyrics

My daddy was a beat-up car
That had crashed into a Carl's Jr. star
In a truly misconceived daredevil stunt
My mama was a green guitar
Whose strings were torn out and set on fire
By a desperate band of music-hatin',
STD-laden punks
Well, the two met at the dump
Had a freaky three-way with a rusted gas pump
Nine weeks later, I popped out somehow
And they told me, "Now...

When daddy's too damn drunk to let you in the house
Sleep on the road!
That dirty, smelly plush toy of Minnie Mouse
Came from the road!
And when we're on road trips
And you scream like it's the apocalypse
And we chuck you out for fear you might explode
Your new babysitter's named the road!"

My uncle was a minotaur
Who fell in love with a Baconnaise jar
And consummated love 'til it was filled
He dropped it on the road one day
It shattered, much to his dismay
And my tiny cousins living in that jar,
I must say, weren't thrilled
They fried like secret sauce
Their society plunged into total chaos
Bacon-flavored seed don't stand a chance
Against fire ants!

That's just what happens when you fall in love with jars
Here on the road!
You're slashin' tires with the jagged shards
Here on the road!
How many have to die
Before we all can see eye to eye
And give every driver a firearm to reload?
To defend each other on the road!

Now me, I've walked this road for years
I've stepped on squirrels and wrestled deers
And I can make cars blow up with my mind
I haven't changed since Labor Day
My wife of ten years thinks I'm gay
Last week I tied six chickens 'round my face
And drove to Denver blind!
It burns each time I piss
And the very last time my common sense dis-
-rupted me in my happy hour of need
I disagreed!

I told him everything you'll ever need to know
Is on the road!
The works of Shakespeare, Bach and Picasso
Lie on the road!
I don't know why they're there
Some dumb museum musta left 'em where
Any truck could run 'em over like a toad
I heard it call my name when the rooster crowed
Connecting every town and province and zip code
IS THE GOD-DANG ROAD!
ROAD!

credits

from Goldmark After Dark, released April 15, 2014
Lead Vocal: Tony Goldmark
Guitar: Gary Potterton
Pedal Steel Guitar: Joe Goldmark
Bass: Paul Olguin
Keyboards: Henry Salvia
Drums: Paul Revelli
Harmony Vocal: Garth Webber

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Tony Goldmark Los Angeles, California

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